Compilation: The first half of 2021

Alright, alright alright! Here we go. I had 5 blogs started so I’m going to throw them altogether and see what I end up with. So-here we go. My first half of 2021 in review.

January 2021:

2021! Welcome. This year is off to an extra special start.

Where were you when the new year struck?

Me, I was under water on a night dive. I entered the water in the last hour of 2020 and I exited within the first hour of 2021!

It was an exciting experience. In the past month I have gone from a 1 dive girl to double digits-17 dives deep! I am working on getting my advanced open water diving certificate.

Under water is really a cool place to be. I was asked while on a dive trip with my favorite dive shop- OhanaWith in Numazu.

Why did you start diving?

The easy answer…I don’t know.

The real answer…I wanted to do something I was scared of. That is why I started. I’m continuing it because I want to master something that I never thought I’d do. I want to master this new exciting hobby that is bringing joy, health and wealth into my life.

I’m reflecting a bit on some of the heart work I’ve been doing. I’ve hosted some resentment within me because I felt invisible at times throughout my life. I thought others weren’t seeing me…turns out-I made myself invisible.

This is a hard reality for me to stomach. Why would someone want to be invisible?

Well-the answer is-at times it probably saved my life. There were times it was safe and easy to be invisible. It was something I held tight to unknowingly though and I’m ready to let it go.

This winter I had a moment where I tried to go invisible. I felt like a hassle to those I was with and I felt unwanted. This in no way was what was happening but in my mind, it was. That is where I need to expand my heart, mind and soul. This only reflects myself, the way I feel about myself. I developed this victim mentality that I thought I let go of years ago. I remember being a teenager thinking “Why is this happening to me…” I now know that the things that I thought were happening to me…were not even about me. It was about them.

February 2021:

Lose yo’self.

Not.

March 2021

There is only one way forward…and that is forward.

I rented a motorcycle. What an ADVENTURE. During my 24 hour rental I had this…revelation. The only way forward, is…drumroll please……………….

FORWARD

Seems obvious. However, when we drive, we look back with the mirrors. On the motorcycle there were times when I was looking back, so concerned that I was an inconvience for the person behind me, I would pull over. The mirror is an important tool. Necessary for safety and more importantly, is what is ahead.

I am…The person I want to be. Each day I strive to be better than the day before. My call of action-reflection, action, manifestation.

April 2021

Life is full of big decisions. Ones that change a moment, a day, and your entire life.

Frightening or freeing depending on how you look at it.

I’m days off of Zoloft which I’ve taken since I was 23 years old. Frightening or freeing depending on how I see it.

May 2021

Started Aikido and came while reading a book about it I came across the FAQ.

Does Aikido make you “strong”?

Answer: The development of spiritual strength will give you the unshakable confidence to meet any challenge that is true strength.

June 2021

The wisdom inside of you-the you inside of you that loves you more than anybody else in the world-That you doesn’t need to be found, they need to be uncovered. -Annie Grace words. Powerful.

Too drunk to drive in the morning. THE NEXT MORNING. Has that ever happened to you?

You ever laughed about that with friends the next morning?

I wish I could say no-. However, at that time in my life I actually thought it was funny.

Seems like ages ago. Well those mornings have been years ago. I took breaks from drinking here and there. Months at a time. Now, I’m currently on my 6th month of choosing not to drink-because I don’t want to. Who knew, paradise was right here in my own home. Saturnine mornings, 5 AM woken up by the sunlight, refreshed and ready to start the day. Headaches that are curable, anxiety that is non-existent. It took me awhile to make this a solid space of living and now that I have I often find myself so happy at myself because I am able to rise with the sun, headache free and happy.

Not only headache free. I’m nearly 2 months Zoloft free.

8 years of Zoloft. I thought I was taking a pill that kept me safe. Made me feel safe. Took care of my nightmares…I thought a pill was that magical. Little did I know, I hold so much more power within myself.

I am that powerful.

I was told I would likely be on Zoloft the rest of my life. Thankfully, I found myself in a safe situation, place and environment where I was able to give it a go. The withdrawals were notable. The chills, headaches, dizziness and nightmares came and have since went.



One night…So notable I am going to share it. This was a week or so off of Zoloft and the nightmares that began all those years ago returned. I woke up and began to panic. I was crying, unable to calm myself and I was awake. I was looking around my room trying to convince myself that I was safe-because I was.

This night, it took me 20 minutes with some help of my energy sensei to get back to center in a place where I was able to lay back down. When I began Zoloft it was because I had these same nightmares and I would stay up the entire night, scared out of my mind. This was the same nightmare but this time instead of 12 plus hours to get back in my body, right here right now, it took me 20 minutes. Growth.

This first six months of 2021 has been a lot of heart, mind, soul growth and expansion. It’s been healthy. I’ve been practicing energy work, wim hof, ocean diving, aikido and added some new ink to my body too. One more dive course and I’m into the rhelm of professional divers. YES!

Life is easy and life is good. Let it be.

Here’s to the next six months of magic.

illies

Rachel

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